The House of Grammar Part 4: Avec le House De Grammar Dans le Piscine

Ah, Le Francais. What a beautiful language. The language of love, and fine wine, and people who live in France. How often do we, as English speaking natives, borrow from it? And how often do we do so correctly?
This helpful guide should make it easier (harder) to navigate the pitfalls involved in trying to fit those difficult to use but oh-so-useful french terms into everyday speech.  Thank me for it.  I mean it. If you don't thank me, I'll be very cross. At the very least, I'll consider being downright surly. You need my help (hindrance). Believe me (don't!)

Hors d'ouvres: A traditional meal of equine meat, typically prize winning stallion, thrown from the cliffs of Dover as a sacrifice to appease Poseidon.
Coup de grace: A term used by French fathers to incite their children into lawn maintenance. "no tv until you coup de grace!"
Tete a Tete: Actually an onomatopoeia. Used by French kids pretending to fire a machine gun. "tete-a-tete-a-tete-a-tete-a-tete!"
A la carte: Meaning "beneath the wagon" this is commonly used to draw attention to an emergency, or colloquially to indicate someone has fallen back into a serious addiction.
A la mode: While the literal translation means "under a mood" this term is purely colloquial, used to refer to someone who is having a really grumpy day.
Amuse-bouche: "Funny boots": used to poke fun at or draw attention to outlandish footwear.
Attaché: Used at the start of a battle.
Attaché case: Used at the start of a legal battle.
En garde: "In the garden." describes when two young lovers sneak away from a party to engage in licentious activities. "where are bob and Judy?" "oh you know those two. Always en garde."
Baguette: A very small bag. Often used to describe a coin purse.

Belle époque: Literally "years of the bells". This references a dark period in france's history where people would adorn their hats with bells of all shapes and sizes. This time period was also the origin of the insult "ding dong"
Blasé: "On fire." or "to be engulfed (by flame or light)" commonly used to describe a hot celebrity.
Bon appetit: "Little bun." a colloquialism for an unborn child or a small rabbit.
Bon mot: A breadcrumb, and a small mote-sized one at that.
Bouquet: A bucket used by florists to dispose of organic waste.
Bric-a-brac: A game played on a 3x3 grid with x's and o's.
Brunette: Officially my favourite. Unofficially, my second favourite.
Cache: Money.
Cafe au lait: A milk bar, similar to that in "A Clockwork Orange."

Canard: Used to express frustration when the ring comes off your tin of sardines.
Carte blanche: "Empty wagon" which is how French gypsies would describe the feeling of having their kids move out and buy their own wagons.
Chanteuse: Used to express a refusal to partake in illicit drugs.
Chef d'ouvre: The mayor of Dover. In charge of ceremonies involving hors d'ouvres.

Cherchez la femme: Women who regularly attend a religious institution.
Clique: An onomatopoeia, typically describing the sound made by a camera shutter.
Concierge: Used by sailors participating in an obscure French judicial punishment wherein prisoners are thrown overboard, but only when pantomiming their actions for others: "con! Sea! Aaaaargh!"
Crepe: Dross.
Cul-de-sac: How you ask for your backpack.
Debacle: Used when giving instructions on how to remove a belt: "Undo debacle!"

Croissant: What you get when you poke a stick into an anthill.
Decor: The hours surrounding, and including noon.
Deja vu: A Jamaican daytime talk show for women.
Denouement: The breath freshener you've just put in your mouth.
Dossier: Used by taxi cab drivers as part of their instructions to passengers as to the dispensation of their luggage: "dossier bags in the trunk."
Du jour: Used infrequently when talking back to someone trying to remonstrate you for not completing a task: "I've done my taxes! Why don't you du jours?"
Ecarte: "Internet wagon" another term for meme.
Eminence grise: Applied to the bearings of a cardinal's car.
En route: "In the roots" used to describe the passing on of traits from one generation to the next. (See also en passant: "In the sister of dad's mother" which is a very specific genealogical term).
Entente: camping, or enjoying the shelter of a pavilion.
Escargot: Freight. "Eez not waste! Escargot!"
Facade: "Strange visage." Used to describe an unusual or surprising sight.
Faux pas: The feet of members of genus vulpes, subfamily caninae. For many years considered to be lucky charms.
Film noir: "Black coating." Expresses disgust at really bad dental hygiene.

Double Entendre: Rare or blue meat. Often used to describe steak carpaccio.

En Masse: Fat. Not very polite.

Grand Prix: A group of people who, together, are a bunch of assholes.

Laissez-Faire: A meal that requires no effort. Microwave dinners. Macaroni. Canned soup.

Merci-beacoup: "Vessel of old boyfriends you let down easy." Actually a colloquialism for a "little black book" kept by a woman.

Nom-de-Guerre: "My really tough sounding name." Any name you choose to call yourself after which you can add a "Grrrrrrrrrr" and elicit fear.

Raison D'etre: To argue with someone to pay you back.

It really is remarkable how much French finds its way into English. Still, given our close historical ties, and the fact that fifty percent of the time we were killing each other, and the rest of the time we were killing other people together, I suppose it's not that surprising.  I'm glad to have helped the process of communication between our two cultures, and expect this blog post will pave the way to a greater understanding (hatred) between us.