Tuesday, March 20, 2012

The House of Grammar Part 1: The House of Grammar



I recently started posting on Facebook some tongue in cheek grammar lessons which were fairly well received. Given limitations on facebook, I kept them relatively short. I plan over the next few days (or possibly weeks, depending on how lazy I am about it) to repost them here, possibly moving a few things around, stealing from one to add to another, etc.

However, I hope you enjoy them. Now to the House of Grammar: Part 1, where I explain several common grammaticological terms and their usage(s)(ing):


Preposition: The place you were before where you are now. Also, the state of mind you work yourself into before making a sexual advance.
Verb: To shake. As in "Verbration."
Adverb: An action word commonly seen on a billboard, like "save" or "experience" or "whiten."
Noun: The sound a cat makes when demanding something immediately.
Pronoun: A word that just sounds like it spent several years at school. Like "Metacarpus." Oh yeah. That noun's a pro.
Suffix: A county in England. Near Worcestershire.
Prefix: Something broken.
Participle: Someone who worships a group of people working together. See also Participant (an ant working as part of group) and Participate (Having finished a business lunch).
Subjunctive: How the fuck should I know?
Adjective: The goal of a promotional campaign.
Conjunction: Where fraudsters meet in the middle.
Clause: The beginning of a "slow clap."
Dependent Clause: When your child begins a "slow clap."
Independent Clause: When the child in your womb begins a "slow clap."
Tense: Used when camping.
Subject: To be thrown forcibly from a submarine that is currently underwater. See also "eject" (To be deleted from someone's facebook friends list).
Rhetorical: To speak like a popular character from "Gone with the Wind."
Article: A fragment of a painting, at the subatomic level.
Homophones: When only one of your earbuds is working but it looks silly to only put one of them in.
Anachronism: The process of reducing something into its component initials, thereby rendering it irrelevant.  Example: CSIS.
Onomatopoeia: A small dog experiencing difficulty with housebreaking.
Metaphor: Used when you meet someone to whom you've been introduced already. Example: "Hi! I'm Bob!" "Hi Bob, we've metaphor."
Simile: A comparison using like or as. Used primarily by teenagers. See the movie "Clueless" for reference.
Compound Sentence: Being imprisoned by Mormons.
Direct Object: Something that comes right out and says it. A corvette, for example, says "I have a small penis."
Euphemism: You know what I mean?
Diatyposis: A rare and poisonous Australian mammal.
Hyperbole: The trunk of a tree that has been fed far too much sugar and refuses to nap.

Helpful? Insightful? Infuriating? Allegorical? Probably not the last one.

No comments: